Owning Desire

When I grew a clue about my desires, I quickly realized how hidden they were. While I could engage some, e.g. the desire to travel, call a friend, ask for a hug, or sexual desires, there were a vast many I was scared to reveal.

When I finally learned the length and depth of my desires (which continue to unfold), I felt scared and confused as to why my desires mattered.

Through the guidance of my first women's group I learned how unfulfilling life was without owning my desires. At the time life felt stuck, dull and on the heavy side of monotonous. I longed to make contact with life in a deeper sense of myself. I desired a pulsating life of realness, depth, aliveness, success, and pleasure.

In the early practice of owning my desires, I quickly realized how vulnerable this experience was for me. Attempting to own and name my desires often meant I would first encounter an inner part of myself where the words were fewer, simple, direct, and the desire very strong.

Revealing desire meant revealing so much about me. This was a big edge and still is, where it's the case. Seemed simple, but it wasn't easy.

To be explicit in owning my desire meant making me explicit to others and the world; this was - is - vulnerable.

Mattering in these ways seemed indulgent, arrogant and selfish. These conditioned beliefs and judgments on myself and the world prevented me from knowing and exploring my desires.

And so life was unfulfilling.

To add more kick to the vulnerability, I had to also learn the art of non-attachment. Naming my desire didn't mean I would get the desire met. But what it did mean was that I was more expressed, and because of this the world knew me better and I was more able to contribute a defined sense of myself to life.

The experience of owning and naming (revealing) my desire without attachment became the path toward fulfillment, which left me enlivened, engaged, and thus life wasn't so meh.

I now understood how much more defined to life I become when owning my desire. And finally, the life I longed for became a reality and continues to be so.

Here's what the desire path has taught me so far:

- To name the desire, I first had to own it.

- Not all desires are pleasure based, nice, or well mannered.

- Desire is often to the point.

- Desire helps me to get clear about who I am, and how I'm made.

- Owning my desires can be both feminine and masculine.

- Owning desire initiates self acceptance.

- Desire teaches the world how to be in a relationship with me.

- Desire can be vulnerable. (Which I like).

- Owning and expressing desire can create intimacy.

- Owning my desire often fostered others to own theirs = more fun!

- Desire in the bedroom isn't always dirty, kinky or sexy, it can be sweet, innocent and soft, (as well as dirty, kinky and sexy).

- Desire gets me in touch with my why, which informs my reality and informs those around me.

- Owning desire = owning non-attachment = aliveness and risk.

- Desire adds to my spiritual path of self awareness and human development.

- Owning my desire assists me in being a better mom and co-parent.

- Desire has taught me so much about relationships.

Just to name a few…

❤️

Love me some desire!